


Broken Hope

by Nariko_d



Series: Crossing Boundaries [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, Mentions Of Infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-20
Updated: 2014-07-20
Packaged: 2018-02-09 15:27:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1988055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nariko_d/pseuds/Nariko_d
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After weeks away, Balthazar comes back home to face his husband and deal with their separation. However, he soon realizes that in his absence, Castiel had carved out a new life for himself.</p><p>With Dean Winchester.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Hope

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of two epilogues to my story Crossing Boundaries. This isn't going to make a lot of sense unless you've read the main story.
> 
> Enjoy!

Balthazar quietly stepped inside the dark house, putting his suitcases down by the door before going back out to pay the taxi driver and retrieve the rest of his luggage. He carried the duffel bags into the house with a grunt. They were heavy—he held two in one hand and a third in another—and he placed them next to the suitcases. He closed the door quietly behind him. 

He blew out a tired breath and pressed two fingers against his closed eyes, shaking his head and simply standing for one moment as he tried not to collapse from sheer exhaustion. The trouble Balthazar went through to come back home had completely wiped him out, and he was minutes away from passing out. As badly as he wanted his bed, though, his throat was parched. He desperately wanted water.

He walked in the darkness, turning on the kitchen lights once he reached it. He removed his coat and tossed it over a chair as he bypassed the nook, yawning. It wasn't even nine yet, but his flight from his layover in New York had been horrible. Not only had his original scheduled flight been canceled due to heavy snowfall, it took over a day to find another flight, and he ended up sleeping in the airport because all the nearby hotels were booked. To make matters worse, once he actually got on a flight back home, he had suffered hard kicks against the back of his seat courtesy of the child seated behind him. He hated coach.

Grabbing a cup from the cabinet, Balthazar grabbed the handle of the refrigerator, but paused in opening it when a picture on the fridge caught his eye.

“What the bloody hell?” he muttered. It was his wedding photo, held up by a red heart magnet. He grabbed it, frowning. Why was the picture on the fridge next to a delivery menu and not in the nice expensive frame in the living room? That was where it had been the last time he had seen it. 

He took in Castiel’s frozen face that was beaming right back at him before looking over his own smiling face. They both looked happy, and he wondered when it was that they last smiled like that. Certainly not in the last several months. Would they ever smile like that again? Balthazar wasn't sure. 

He sighed and slipped the picture back under the magnet before opening the refrigerator, only to be met with another questionable surprise. The interior of the appliance was a little sparse. It was by no means empty, but it contained less than usual. Even as he grabbed the water pitcher and poured, he looked at the milk carton that contained less than a forth and was expired, the orange juice that was mostly full but missing the top, fruits that were already going bad, at least five Tupperware containers, and an entire box of delivered pizza—which was empty.

There were other items, like cotton cheese and vegetables, but as a whole, it almost looked like Castiel hadn’t done much to keep this fridge stocked with fresh groceries The freezer only confirmed his suspicions, because when he opened it he discovered at least ten boxes of frozen dinners, a handful of frozen burritos, and a box of frozen pizza. 

He put the pitcher back and closed the door, taking sips as he looked into cabinets. They were stocked with canned and boxed goods. All right, so Castiel wasn't going hungry, but Castiel obviously wasn't putting much effort into eating healthy like he had been doing for the past couple of years. Never mind that the frozen dinners were from the Smart Choices brand or that the frozen pizza only had veggie toppings. That didn't outweigh the cans of chili or the boxed pastas. There were at least five mac-and-cheese boxes.

Balthazar wasn’t quite sure what to do with that discovery.

Straining his ears, he tried to hear any sounds that indicated Castiel’s presence. The house had been dark when the taxi had pulled up, but Castiel’s car was in the driveway. Maybe Castiel was watching television upstairs or taking a shower. He didn’t hear anything, though, besides the hum from the refrigerator and the occasional scrape of tree branches scratching at a window. 

He guzzled down the rest of his water and placed the glass in the sink, rubbing his eyes. He really needed to get to bed, and he nearly moaned in anticipation after two months of sleeping in a hotel bed that didn’t have his foam mattress. 

In all honesty, Balthazar hadn’t planned to stay away that long, but when the time came to return home, he had been reluctant, knowing that his marital issues would have to be dealt with. The pain of Castiel’s betrayal had still been too raw for him to even want to look at Castiel, let alone talk to him. So he had taken additional time off to get his head together. 

But even the fanciest hotel beds weren’t as comfortable as his foam mattress. 

He left the kitchen, turning the lights off on the way out, and climbed the stairs. He grabbed the railing to help him, rubbing his eyes again. They felt gritty from a lack of decent sleep, and he was just about to step into the master bedroom when he paused and glanced at the guest bedroom. The door was closed, and despite how sleepy he was, Balthazar still found himself walking towards it. He grabbed the knob and quietly turned it, slowly opening the door and peering inside the dark room.

Empty. Even in the dark, he could tell that the bed lacked a human body-shaped lump. He returned to the master bedroom, wondering where Castiel was. Was he still at work? It was a bit late, but prior to his departure, Balthazar had noticed just how late Castiel had stayed at the office. Maybe that hadn’t changed during his absence. 

Still, even as he removed his clothes on the way to the bathroom, there was a part of him that wanted to make sure Castiel was okay. The last time they had communicated was weeks ago when Balthazar had abruptly told him to check social media if he wanted updates on his wellbeing. 

Which might have been a mistake, he realized as he brushed his teeth. He had no clue what Castiel had been up to the past couple of months. He had asked a few mutual friends to keep an eye on him and to let him know if anything horrible happened, but he hadn’t asked to be kept up to day on anything else involving his husband. For all he knew, Castiel had become a night owl and stayed out late each night partying and drinking like an out of control college student. 

When he finished brushing his teeth, Balthazar grabbed his jeans from the floor and took out his phone. It was brand new after having lost his old one somewhere in a London pub. It had been a pain to try to get everyone’s numbers—particularly the numbers of clients—and to give his new number in return. There was one number, however, that he never had an issue remembering. He dialed it now, and it didn’t take long before it was picked up.

“Hello?”

Balthazar’s voice left him. He barely held back a shuddering breath as an ache formed at hearing his husband’s voice. It wasn’t until that moment that he realized just how much he missed hearing Castiel talk. That one single word was enough to crack his chest open and spill a bastardize mix of longing, nostalgia, despair, and resentment.

“Hello?” Castiel said again, sounding confused now. 

He wanted to respond, but it occurred to him that if he said anything, Castiel would know who was calling. He’d want to talk, but Balthazar was just too tired for the kind of conversation they needed to have. All he had wanted was the assurance that Castiel was okay, and now that he had it, he didn’t dare say a word. 

“Is anyone there?” Castiel was starting to sound a little impatient now. Castiel was going hang up any second now, so Balthazar quickly took the opportunity to try to catch any sounds in the background that would clue him in on where Castiel was. He heard what sounded like a television playing, but nothing other than that. 

As expected, it was less than five seconds later when the call disconnected. Balthazar lowered his phone and placed it on the nightstand, Castiel’s voice still lingering in his head. His heart ached a little, not having been prepared to actually miss something as small as that. Or maybe not so small.

In all honestly, Balthazar didn’t think he was prepared for anything having to do with Castiel. He had thought he was ready to handle the problems that waited for him here—that was why he had come back—but after hearing Castiel’s voice again and the way his emotions got all mixed up at the five simple words he said, he wasn’t ready. He’d never be ready. 

Once they came face to face, it wasn’t going to be a calm conversation. Balthazar still had a lot of anger and pain bottled up inside, and it was going to come out one way or another. He predicted shouting and maybe some name-calling. Balthazar did not look forward to it, but it needed to be done if they were going to save their marriage.

He finished getting ready for bed, casting the shower one longing look before deciding that he was just too tired to do anything but sleep. He turned off the lights and climbed into bed, collapsing on it with a sigh of satisfaction as he sprawled out in the middle, taking up all the space with abandon. A fleeting thought of what Castiel was doing at that moment passed his mind before he was soundly asleep.

**

It was almost noon when Balthazar woke up. Jet lag and adjusting to a different time zone was hell on his physical and mental state, and while he really wanted to sleep some more, he hadn’t had a proper shower in two days. He didn’t care that it was ruining his usual regime of showering at nights; he climbed out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom to get clean.

He stayed in the shower until his skin wrinkled, feeling ten times better when he climbed out and grabbed a towel to dry off. It was while he was vigorously rubbing his hair that Castiel came to mind. 

There hadn’t been any noises last night loud enough to wake him (though he had been so exhausted that he doubted even a car crashing right through his living room would’ve woken him up), and he doubted someone had slipped into bed beside him at any time while he slept. Not that he had expected for him and Castiel to share a bed again so soon, especially when Castiel had taken to sleeping in the guest bedroom before Balthazar had left.

It also hadn’t escaped his notice that most, if not all, of Castiel’s belongings were missing from their room. The closet was practically empty, and the nightstand on Castiel’s side was cleared away. 

He grabbed a pair of lounge pants out of his dresser and slipped them on before leaving his room and padding down the hall. The door to the guest bedroom was still closed, and he impulsively grabbed the knob to open it before he hesitated. It wouldn’t exactly lead to a civil reunion if he barged right in, so he knocked. He knocked a second time when there was no response, and after waiting a few seconds he opened the door. 

The room was just as empty as it was last night, but without the darkness hindering his vision, he took in obvious clues that Castiel had officially taken this room as his own. 

The closet had Castiel’s clothes hanging in it, and against the wall Castiel’s shoes were lined up. He also spied clothes on the floor, as though Castiel had undressed and hadn’t bothered to pick up after himself before leaving to wherever it was he had gone to. Clearly not work, since his briefcase was perched by the nightstand and a couple of folders lay on the bed. 

He walked further into the room, approaching the nightstand that was littered with things. There was a book sitting on top of a stack of a few CDs, and he grabbed the paperback to read the title and author. His brows furrowed in bewilderment. Vonnegut. Interesting choice of literature for Castiel to have, since Vonnegut’s satirical style wasn’t Castiel’s usual choice of entertainment.

Neither were the CDs, now that he got a better look of them. There was Led Zeppelin, Queen, and a couple of other bands that Balthazar hadn’t even heard of. 

“Castiel, what have you been up to?” he murmured, glancing back and forth between the book and the CDs before placing the book back with a frown. He knew Castiel and the things he liked, and this was not what Castiel normally went for. 

Then again, Castiel could have gone through quite a few changes in the last couple of months. Maybe he liked rock and satire now.

He eyed the nightstand drawer curiously, wondering what other little discoveries he would find inside. Taking a few seconds to debate the ethics of opening it, he gave in and used one finger to tug on the handle. It came out halfway and the first thing he saw was a DVD box set of _Dr. Sexy, M.D._ A post-it note stuck on the cover read ‘No excuses, I’m gonna quiz you on these episodes!’

“Okay,” Balthazar said slowly, brows up and high. If there was one thing Balthazar knew, it was that Castiel did not like this show. Castiel had considered it soap opera drivel the first time they had stumbled upon it. So why the hell did he have a box set? And who exactly was going to quiz him on it?

He was just about to put the box set back when something gold caught his eye. He shoved aside the box set and moved a few things around so he could get a better look, and when he did he inhaled sharply.

It was a wedding ring.

It could be anyone’s wedding ring, he told himself as he grabbed it. Or maybe it wasn’t a wedding ring at all. It could even be a fake one.

Except that it wasn’t fake, and it wasn’t just _anyone’s_ ring. It was Castiel’s, because inside the ring was an engraving that matched the one carved in his own ring. _Forever and always_.

Balthazar laughed disbelievingly, running a hand down his face. Jesus, he couldn’t remember a time when Castiel had taken his ring off, and now here it was, stuffed in a drawer like a meaningless piece of jewelry that Castiel didn’t even want to look at.

A tiny voice in his head said that Castiel wasn’t obligated to wear it now that they were separated. If Castiel was more comfortable not wearing it, that was his prerogative. Never mind that Balthazar hadn’t removed his, or that separation didn’t exactly equal divorce and that removing his ring heavily implied that Castiel was a single man with no attachments.

Not that wearing the ring did much to deter men from chasing after Castiel. Well, it didn’t do much to deter _one_ man, he should say, and he scowled at the reminder of the tattooed bastard who fucked up his marriage and his life.

“Shit,” he muttered, standing up and holding the ring tightly as a horrible thought formed. Was that where Castiel was? With _Dean_?

Castiel had said he and Dean were over. He had said he wanted to work on their marriage. Balthazar had believed him, but what if Castiel had been lying? Or what if those two had broken up but got back together once Balthazar had been out of the picture? Was that why Castiel took off his ring?

 _When_ hadCastiel taken his ring off? Was it recently or right after Balthazar had left? Did Castiel take it off before or after getting back together with Dean?

As he worked himself up, his blood began to boil. His temper spiked and he shut his eyes, trying to take even breaths before he lost it. He couldn’t get ahead of himself. He wasn’t sure what was going on and assuming things wouldn’t do him any good. 

But he worried. The questions and the thoughts of who Castiel had gone to for comfort piled themselves in his head until he thought he would explode.

Just because he had asked for a separation hadn’t meant he wanted to end their marriage. He had felt betrayed and hurt by Castiel’s deceit, but divorce hadn’t been the first thing to come to mind when he realized what Castiel had been hiding all those months he had been hanging out with Dean. He had left the country, but not Castiel. He had just wanted time to figure out his next step and to clear his head so he wouldn’t impulsively act on his fury and do something rash. 

He even did some research and jotted down the numbers of a few marriage counselors in the hopes that they could help.

So no, ending their marriage certainly wasn’t in his current plans, and he had thought Castiel felt the same, but now he feared that going away had been a huge mistake. Dean might have taken the opportunity to swoop right in and steal Castiel right back. Or maybe Castiel had taken their separation and Balthazar’s departure as his way of saying that he wanted a divorce, and decided to go back to Dean because he was under the impression that he and Balthazar were over. The latter possibility made his heart clench painfully.

Balthazar remembered how Castiel’s face lighted up whenever he talked about Dean, how his face had fallen when Dean had mentioned having a girlfriend, and the misery Castiel couldn’t hide when he had said that he and Dean were over. His feelings for Dean had been plain as day for the entire world to see, his face like an open book that Balthazar had been forced to read. 

And what did Balthazar do? He ran off. He had left Castiel open and vulnerable under the false idea that his husband didn’t want him anymore, and completely defenseless against the seductive whispers of a felon.

Balthazar should’ve never left. 

Muttering curses and calling himself a fool, he tucked Castiel’s ring into his pocket and headed into his room to grab his phone, already turning it on and dialing Castiel’s number again as he headed downstairs. He wanted Castiel home, now, because they needed to talk. Balthazar wanted answers before he drove himself up the wall with all the possibilities running through his head.

He was just about the press the call button when he heard a car pulling up. He quickly padded into the living room and peeked out the window, barely jostling the curtain. An Impala parked right behind Castiel’s car, and he cocked his head when the passenger door opened. Castiel stepped out, face glowing and all smiles. But it was the driver who grabbed and held Balthazar’s attention. 

Dean Winchester.

“Goddamn it,” Balthazar hissed furiously, tossing his phone on the couch and digging his hands into his hair. A dark, ugly storm of roiled inside of him. They were together. His husband and his husband’s lover were back together. 

He wanted to punch someone. To _kill_ someone. Preferably the murderous convict who had ruined everything that was good in his life. 

He froze when the front door opened. It was followed by Castiel’s familiar laughter. 

“Fine, fine, you win. Batman can beat Superman any day.”

A deep throaty chuckle followed. “I knew you’d see it my way, babe.”

Balthazar stiffened. Babe? _Babe_?

“Shut up.”

And then they were kissing. Balthazar recognized the familiar sounds, and he closed his eyes. Any lingering doubts as to Castiel reconciling with Dean were trampled by what he was hearing. He was tempted to intrude, to pull them apart and demand to know when Castiel and Dean got back together, but he refrained. If he walked in on them now, he’d lose it.

Didn’t mean he didn’t want to march right on over to them and punch one, or perhaps both, in the face.

Seconds passed before Castiel said, “I’ll see you later.” There was a loud wet smack of lips. Castiel laughed. “Go!”

“All right, all right. I’ll call you tonight, angel.”

“Bye.”

Castiel didn’t close the door right away, and it didn’t take much for Balthazar to figure out that Castiel was watching Dean leave. The door closed once the sound of the Impala driving away vanished. He heard Castiel take a step and grunt as a thud hit the air. Balthazar’s suitcases and bags still sat by the door. Balthazar hadn’t moved them. There was a pregnant pause. 

An odd kind of tranquility suddenly settled over him. This was it. Ready or not, he and Castiel were finally going to come to a head and talk. He carefully sat down and waited, staring at the entryway.

A few seconds passed by before Castiel finally appeared, his eyes wide and face pale. 

Balthazar smiled humorlessly at him. “Will you think me redundant if I say that I’m back from my trip?” He arched a brow. “Or better yet, maybe I should say surprise. It seems to fit the situation, doesn’t it?”

Castiel seemed uncertain of what to do. His mouth opened and closed a few times like a gaping fish, and he took a step forward only to step right back. He looked conflicted now, and Balthazar wondered what was going on in his head right now. Chaos, he bet. 

Finally, Castiel asked, “When did you get back?” His voice shook a little, Balthazar’s unexpected arrival obviously unnerving him.

“Last night.” Balthazar lifted his head, eyeing Castiel up and down. Castiel didn’t seem run down or haggard. He didn’t even have bags underneath his eyes. “I was supposed to come back earlier, but a few obstacles delayed me.”

“Oh.” Castiel licked his lips, eyes continuously shifting as though he couldn’t quite keep eye contact. “You should have—” He swallowed nervously, looking very uncomfortable. “You should have called me. I would have picked you up from the airport.”

“There was no need. I took a taxi. Besides, I wouldn’t have wanted to interrupt your night with your lover.” At Castiel’s flinch, Balthazar stood up slowly, focusing his gaze on Castiel. “That is where you were, right? With Dean?”

“Balthazar—”

“It’s quite funny, actually. I didn’t even think about how my absence would pave the way for your grand romance with Dean until five minutes before you came back and I had the misfortune of hearing you and him making out.” Balthazar narrowed his eyes. His cool demeanor began to crack as his ire slowly seeped out. “It didn’t take you long to go running back to Dean, did it?”

“I . . .” Castiel lifted a hand then dropped it. He took a step closer, this time not stepping back. “I don’t know what to say,” he admitted quietly. 

And something about that statement shattered his composure. Maybe it was the lack of denial, or the fact that Castiel didn’t apologize when the truth of what— _who_ —he had been doing lay between their feet. Or maybe it was how he had come back to find his husband screwing around with Dean again, happy and merry and not at all depressed and miserable the way Balthazar was hoping he’d be. The way Balthazar thought Castiel _deserved_ to be.

Whatever the reason, it infuriated him. There was no calming him now.

“You just couldn’t stay away from him, could you?” he said darkly. 

“It’s complicated,” Castiel said, sounding placating. 

That rubbed him the wrong way. “Doesn’t sound all that complicated to me, _babe_.” He glared. “Or do you prefer angel?”

“Don’t do that,” Castiel said lowly. 

“Don’t do what? Make a mockery of your precious Dean?”

“Don’t jump to conclusions without giving me a chance to explain.”

“Fine.” Balthazar sat down again and stared at Castiel expectantly. “Explain how you’re screwing around with Dean again. Explain how our marriage is supposed to work with him in the picture.” He dug into his pocket and grabbed Castiel’s ring, tossing it on the table. It clattered across the surface and stopped mere inches away from the corner. “Explain why I found that sitting in the bottom of a drawer like a trinket.”

Castiel stared at the ring. “You went through my things?”

Balthazar snorted. “I don’t think that matters much right now, Castiel.” And now that he thought about it, he probably should’ve put the pieces together when he saw the odd choices of entertainment in Castiel’s room. They were probably Dean’s. “But how sweet of Dean to lend you his Zeppelin CDs.”

“Stop,” Castiel said sharply. He inhaled deeply. “I understand you’re upset. Maybe you have every right to be, but you told me you wanted a separation and took off. I wanted to make it work and instead of you staying here and trying that you said that you didn’t want to be around me anymore.” Castiel marched forward until he reached the coffee table. It was the only thing that separated them. “You told me that _I_ needed to think about what I wanted, remember? So I did. I thought about it.”

Balthazar clenched his hands. He’d be damned if Castiel put this on him. There was no way he was going to allow Castiel to make it sound like Balthazar had brought this on himself. “Clearly you did more than just think about it,” Balthazar hissed. “Asking for a separation isn’t an invitation for you to spread your legs for someone else. You were supposed to fucking sit here and think about our marriage, not run back to Dean of all people.”

“Really? Is that what I was supposed to do? Wait around here for you to come back?”

“That’s exactly what you’re supposed to do.”

“Says who?” Castiel demanded.

Balthazar floundered a little, unable to come up with a quick response. 

They hadn’t discussed the finer points of their separation, hadn’t decided what either of them were allowed to do during this time apart. Couples used a separation for a variety of things. There were those who took some time for themselves separately in hopes of coming back together as better people, others who saw a separation as one step towards divorce while they figured out what to split between them. Then there were those who used it as an opportunity to explore other options and date as their marriage hung in limbo.

Castiel had apparently decided to go for the latter option, and he didn’t even give Balthazar a fair warning about it. 

“Says me,” he finally answered, ignoring how weak of an answer that was. “You should’ve fucking told me if you wanted to see other people.”

“How? You ignored my calls and texts. For God’s sake, Balthazar, you told me to check social media to see how you were doing. You didn’t even tell me if you were coming back. What did you expect me to do?”

“To think about our marriage, damn it!” Balthazar bellowed. “You said you wanted to fix it. How the hell is screwing around with Dean again fixing it? Did you wait until I was out of the house before you went back to him?”

“That’s not what happened!” Castiel shouted, his face flushing red and eyes sparking with rage. “You were gone for two months, Balthazar. Two fucking months!” Castiel breathed heavily, looking away momentarily. “Things happened, but it isn’t as clear cut as you’re making it out to be, okay? It’s complicated.”

“Complicated,” Balthazar repeated incredulously before shaking his head. “Bloody hell, I shouldn’t have come back.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Coming back was a fucking mistake.”

“Then why did you come back?”

Balthazar closed his eyes briefly. “I don’t even know. To work on our problems. To see if we could salvage our relationship.” He barked out a sharp laugh and opened his eyes again. “I even found marriage counselors we could talk to.” 

He stared at Castiel, taking in his surprised expression, and that hurt. Everything about this conversation hurt, because it was evidently clear that Castiel hadn’t seen their separation as a temporary time out. He had seen it as the end of the line for them, and Balthazar just couldn’t understand that. 

Had Castiel really thought that it would be that easy for Balthazar to divorce him? If Balthazar had truly wanted it to end, he would have asked for a divorce from the start. Yes, he had said some things that might have implied that he wanted to end their marriage, but he had been angry. He had been thrown by Castiel’s infidelity and lies, and anything he said had been driven by that fury. It didn’t mean he had meant everything that had left his mouth. 

They had gone through so much together. They had history. Not just the hell they went through when Castiel had been arrested and convicted, but the years before, when they had both been college students trying to get through projects and finals and life. He could still remember their first date, the first time they had sex—the first time they declared their love for each other.

“Do you even want that anymore, Cas?” he asked thickly, his anger decreasing to a low simmer. 

“Want what?” Castiel asked miserably.

“Us. Do you want to fight for us? Do you want to make our marriage work?”

Castiel inhaled shakily and looked away. He didn’t respond. Numbness swept over Balthazar. It felt like he was standing at an edge of a cliff, slowly tipping over.

“You love him that much?” he whispered, and it was love Castiel felt for the man. Only love would put such a glowing look on Castiel’s face.

Castiel’s expression tightened in pain. He bowed his head, and gave a quick nod.

Just like that, Balthazar was falling off the cliff and plummeting straight down into a sea of black where no light shown and no hope existed. 

If anyone were to ask him when he realized that his marriage was over, it was right at that very moment. 

“I never meant to hurt you,” Castiel whispered.

“Fine job you did there, love.” He didn’t feel angry or sad. He felt absolutely nothing. Maybe that was a good thing; maybe he’d never have to feel pain or heartache again. “Guess it’s a good thing Kansas doesn’t recognize our marriage. Might make things easier to end it. Or maybe it’ll complicate it. I don’t know. Suppose we’ll have to look into that, right?”

“I’m sorry, Balthazar.” Castiel sniffed and finally lifted his head, and though there were no tears rolling down his cheeks, his blue eyes were moist. 

“Sorry,” Balthazar repeated rhetorically. He took a moment to consider the apology, and then he straightened. He stared directly into Castiel’s guilty eyes. “You can take your sorry and shove it up your arse, Castiel. Get out.”

Castiel seemed startled by the abrupt demand. “What?”

“It’s _my_ house. You had weeks to enjoy it and now I want you out of it. If you try to fight me on this, let me remind you that you’re the one who cheated on me. I figure that even in a state that doesn’t like gays, a judge isn’t going to be too sympathetic towards a cheater.” Balthazar didn’t raise his voice. He kept it flat, and he was unshaken by the way Castiel’s face crumpled with every word he spoke. “I want you to grab all your shit and be out by tonight.” Balthazar left the living room, bypassing Castiel’s trembling form. He took a few steps up the stairs before stopping. He didn’t turn around. “When you’re done, leave your key.”

He headed up the rest of the stairs and went into his room. He shut the door behind him and leaned against it. After a few minutes, he heard Castiel climb up the stairs and walk by his door. He closed his eyes, hearing thumps from the other bedroom as Castiel gathered his stuff.

It was twenty minutes later when he heard a car outside. He went to the window and spotted the Impala again. It said a lot about how numb he currently was when he didn’t feel even the tiniest speck of resentment when Dean climbed out of the car with folded cardboard boxes and was met by Castiel.

Balthazar turned away and lay down on the bed, mind carefully void of anything other than going back to work tomorrow and seeing how his firm had come along without him there. He hoped all was well, because he couldn’t handle things going to shit at his work right now, not when his own life was going down the toilet.

It was a while later—he wasn’t sure how long—when he heard footsteps approaching his door. There was a soft knock. “Balthazar?” Castiel’s voice was muffled through the door.

Balthazar didn’t answer. Castiel said, “I never meant for any of this to happen. If things had been different—” He cleared his throat, and when he next spoke, his words were a little more wobbly. “I’ll always love you, and I hope one day you can be happy with someone who deserves to have you the way I didn’t.”

Balthazar closed his eyes and tried not to pay too much attention to Castiel. He didn’t want to hear about finding someone else. He wasn’t even sure if he was capable of falling in love again after everything he had been put through. It just seemed like too much work.

Ten minutes later, he heard a car starting up, followed by a second engine coming to life. He followed the sounds of the twin engines until they went too far for him to hear them anymore. He got up and glanced out the window. The Impala was gone, and so was Castiel’s car.

Licking his lips, he left his bedroom and wandered into the other room. The door had been left wide open and Balthazar stepped inside. The closet was completely empty except for dozens of hangers. The nightstands on either side of the bed were cleared away. When he checked the drawers, they were also void of any items. The walls looked a little barer, and Balthazar saw that a couple of small paintings were missing. 

He left the room and headed downstairs, pausing when he saw the plasma television that had been hanging over the fireplace was also gone. Balthazar had loved that thing, which was why he had opted to put it in the living room. Castiel hadn’t minded, and they had spent many nights cuddling on the couch while watching it. Now he would have to buy a new one, something big enough that would make up for the empty space. 

But what nearly had Balthazar crumbling from the inside out was the sight of Castiel’s wedding ring still lying on the coffee table. Balthazar swallowed thickly. It was sitting in the center rather than close to the corner like it had been earlier, and right next to it was Castiel’s house key. 

Something cracked inside, a flash of pain running through him. Balthazar stamped down on it. No, he didn’t want to feel anything. Not yet. Not ever, actually.

He glanced down at his own left hand. He fiddled with his wedding ring before taking a deep breath and sliding it off. He placed it next to Castiel’s ring and took a moment to take in the heartbreaking sight. At one time, the rings had represented a loving union. Now they were just metallic reminders of a broken one.

“That’s it then, isn’t it, love?” he murmured. He turned around and walked away.

**Author's Note:**

> The next epilogue is being revised as we speak. I hope to have it posted soon, so be on the look out for it.
> 
> Kudos and comments is much appreciated!


End file.
